Dragon Ball Z Returns! God V. God

Live-action movies based on manga / anime / video games are bound to induce rage in nearby otaku. Some are terrible, some suck, and some are just plain bad. Occasionally, you get a (shitty) diamond in the rough, like the 1995 adaptation of Street Fighter.

Most of the time, they turn out so bad, they’re bad. In a sentence, 2009’s Dragon Ball Evolution was an evolution into shite. The king of badasses, Tyrannosaurus Rex, probably never imagined that given a few hundred million years, his descendents would look more like chickens than a horde of murderous dino-terminators. Sometimes, evolution sucks.

The only Asian person in Dragon Ball Evolution.

This film sucked so bad, Dragon Ball creator Akira Toriyama decided to green-light a new animated flick. So in a roundabout kind of way, we’re kind of happy some idiot decided to inflict DB:E upon the world. Thanks!

Here at JZ, we aren’t exactly the mouth-breathing kind of otaku, but judging by the trailers for this latest DBZ adventure, it looks pretty good. Which means that it is already better than every live-action adaptation ever (bar Mortal Kombat); ditching film for paper (metaphorically, since films aren’t filmed on film anymore, and cartoons aren’t drawn on paper), is an excellent idea, which makes you wonder why they even bothered putting a bunch of apes in front of a camera in the first place.

As a bonus to the internet-breathing children of 2013, the animation studio has even put up  a toy you can use to make your name look like the Dragon Ball Z logo! Enjoy!

Oh, you are so immature.